Ed Fitzgerald is outsourcing his campaign. Perhaps he didn’t have enough confidence in any Ohio politicos. Or perhaps none of them wanted to join his faltering campaign.
New Yorkers Bill Hyers and Lauren Hitt are the General Consultant/Manager and Press Secretary. Communications Director, Dan McElhatton has arrived from Philadelphia.
To welcome these outsiders, I’d like to give them some basic Ohio facts.
• When someone says, “O-H”, you reply “I-O”.
• We drink pop, not soda.
• Ohio is in the Eastern Time Zone.
• Not all Ohioans are farmers.
• We all don’t know or even like LeBron James. Don’t mention his name in Cleveland.
• Don’t say the name, just say, “that team up north”.
• If you need temporary housing suggestions, I recommend reaching out to Matt McGrath and Lis Smith since none of you have any intention of staying here.
• When you are in Akron, eat at Swenson’s.
• You don’t order a “bowl” of Cincinnati chili.
• Ohio women are smart. Don’t degrade us by continually referencing our “lady parts”.
• Buckeyes aren’t edible unless they are made of chocolate and peanut butter.
• Even though the Browns haven’t been to a Super Bowl, their fans have the Super Bowl of tailgating in the Muni Lot before each home game.