Connect with us

Hi, what are you looking for?

Third Base Politics


Say Cheese: Ohio’s Photo I.D. Bill not Fair to Democrats

The Ohio Senate is considering a bill that would require voters to identify themselves using photo identification. This may seem like a good idea, as photo identification is commonly required to cash a check, buy a firearm, or purchase alcohol and tobacco. However, I’m going to have to side with the ACLU and the Huffington Post on this one. Requiring a photo i.d. would be unfair to a wide variety of voters, including, but not limited to, the following:

Amazonian Tribes: Members of these cultural groups do not frequent DMVs and still believe that photographers are trying to steal their souls.

The Amish: They also don’t drive automobiles and not fond of posing for pictures.

People who are texting: Duh! They’re too busy to look up from their phones.

Celebrities: They’re, like, famous, so everyone should already know who they are.

Amnesiacs: They can’t remember who the person in the photo is.

Illegal Aliens: In order to vote, these individuals would have to produce false identification, which would be against the law, except in Arizona.

Nudists: Where are they going to carry it? (Don’t go there.)

Sleepwalkers: Waking them up to ask for i.d. would be dangerous.

Al-Qaeda terrorists: Though they would desperately love to vote for Sherrod Brown, many of these individuals are on watchlists.

Vampires: They don’t show up in mirrors or photographs, though like liberals, they’re bloodsuckers who feed on unsuspecting citizens.

Anthony Weiner: Since he is no longer primarily identified by photographs of his face.

Super-rich Democrat donors: They have chauffeurs and therefore don’t need driver’s licenses. Also see ‘celebrities’, above.

Key Democrat constituencies: The homeless, the mentally ill, and other groups likely to be rounded up in busses on election day, driven to the polls, and paid to vote for Democrats.

President Obama: He’d rather use his recently found birth certificate.

Welcome to 3BP!

Have a tip? Interested in posting on 3BP? Drop us an email at tips @ thirdbasepolitics .com. (remove the spaces)

Third Base Politics is an Ohio-centric conservative blog that has been featured at Hot Air, National Review, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, and others.


You May Also Like

Third Base Politics