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Repeal Senate Bill 5! Do you want fries with that?

Please welcome Revoltaire, a new contributor to 3BP. -Bytor

Re: Good Jobs and Strong Communities Rally

To: Patricia Frost-Brookes, Ohio Education Association President

I am a college senior who will be graduating in a few weeks, and tonight I attended Stand Up for Ohio’s Good Jobs and Strong Communities Rally at the Ohio Statehouse. I totally agree with the speakers at tonight’s rally, that Governor Kasich’s budget is wrong for Ohio. After such an inspirational evening, I am just writing to show my support for your efforts to resist Kasich’s budget cuts and to repeal Senate Bill 5. This is the right thing to do to ensure the standard of living for Ohio’s families, to improve the quality of Ohio’s schools, and to stand up for Ohio’s schoolchildren. I’m also writing because I need a little help finding a job.

I’ve asked some veteran teachers for leads on jobs, but they haven’t been able to help me. They explained that the right-wing nut-jobs who control the statehouse are ruining my future. I asked those teachers if any of them were going to retire soon, but they told me that times were hard, and that trying to live on only ninety-six percent of their current salary for life would be draconian. One of them felt sorry for me and let me earn some money waxing his Range Rover. Some critics say that allowing school districts to get rid of older, ineffective teachers would actually open up job opportunities for me, since districts could hire three of me to replace one of them. But I don’t believe them. I am standing with you and my OEA brothers and sisters to fight for Ohio’s working families.

I’ve checked out Ohio Department of Education Job Board, but most of the openings there are at “community schools.” That means those awful charter schools, where the teachers aren’t unionized, don’t get automatic pay raises, and can get fired for incompetence. No way: none of that for me. Still, it seems weird that those schools are hiring when all of the public school districts I know are laying people off. I couldn’t quite understand why, so I called the chairperson of the Education Department at my college to see if she could explain it to me.

It was really hard to reach her because she’s on sabbatical this semester, so she’s hanging out in her vacation home in Vermont. When she did finally return my call, she told me that because of Governor Kasich’s policies, teachers all across the state were losing their jobs. Sure, he hasn’t even been in office four months yet, and his policies are just at the very beginning stages of implementation, but it’s clearly his fault. My chairperson gave me the name of another professor here in town who’s looking for a gardener, but I have a lot of allergies. She also reminded me that, when I do get a job, I need to take every chance I get to push social justice and gay marriage. I told her not to worry: I’d make Sean Penn proud.

I was really hoping that a lot of the school issues on Tuesday’s ballot would pass and ignite the teacher job market, but that wasn’t the case. I don’t understand how taxpayers can be so greedy when everyone I’ve met in the field of education is so selfless. I’m extra disappointed that I won’t be in the classroom next year because, during student teaching, I came up with this really cool lesson on high-speed rail. But Governor Kasich ruined that too. Maybe, if I could find a state where high-speed rail has been successful, I could apply for a job there.

Until then, I guess I’ll be working at McDonald’s. I thought that they’d be hurt by the recession too, but, when I applied there recently, the manager told me that, since they got that waiver from Obamacare, they’d be able to stay in business.

I just wanted to again thank you and all of the dedicated OEA members for looking out for me, just like you’re looking out for Ohio’s families.

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Third Base Politics is an Ohio-centric conservative blog that has been featured at Hot Air, National Review, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, and others.

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